none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
