Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did I show you my penis last night?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
