wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
