I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
