Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
