So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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