Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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