Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
