She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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