saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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