I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
