You're my little dorito
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
