I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
