So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
