That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize