My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
