i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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