i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
