Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
