is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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