The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
