Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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