addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
