People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
