Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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