How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
