Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
