Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
