he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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