A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
