its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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