By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
