Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
