Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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