i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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