he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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