If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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