just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
