i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
