pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
