I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
