I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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