It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
