She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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