I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
