You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
