Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize