i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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