well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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