I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
