I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
