Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize