Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
