The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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