I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
