I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize