It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
