and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
