Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
