I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
