True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
