dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
