I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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