Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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