Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
