we're chasing vodka with high fives
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
