Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
