I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
